I still can't do it

I thought I would never dream of you again after your 40th day but I did. I had a couple of dreams about you but not of you.

Now, when I do see you in my dreams, I do not see you as though you're alive and here in front of my eyes, where I can see you, every detail of you, but all I get are some scenes of the past or a mixed-up mashed-up product of my memories of you.

It's like watching a scene from a film that we recorded in the past. Moments when you were sick and I was caring for you, the last few nights I spent with you, your cries of pain and the pain I feel when I watch you in pain. Not sweet memories. No smiles.

I miss dreaming of you. I miss seeing you alive, happy and vivid in my dreams.

I am missing you.

I know there's no way I can get you back and I guess there's no way I can meet you in my dreams again.