Saturday, 25 August 2007, 12:15am

The date and time are engraved in my mind forever.

How can I ever the forget that moment, the moment you stopped breathing. It was surreal. Everything is surreal now. You are still around, aren't you?

La, during those moments of your last breaths, everyone prayed so hard for you. I did too. I kept praying to Allah to ease your journey to the Hereafter. I said to Him I will redha and willingly let you go if it was really time for you to go. Yet, at the same time, in my heart, I was also hoping that somehow it was a false alarm; that you'll pull through & I will be able to see you smile again. However, my little heart knew that it was just wishful thinking.

The whole day that led to that fateful night, I didn't feel at ease inside. However, I couldn't put my finger on it & I kept laughing & making jokes with my friends to mask that uneasy feeling I had inside. I did so in school, at lunch, at my project meeting and following that too. While I sat down beside Singapore River after my meeting ended, I felt rather melancholic even though I was watching some tourists having mere-seconds thrill on the Gmax.

Why didn't I return home straight after that? Why didn't anybody, or anything, tell me that you would be leaving us in matter of hours? Why didn't you call or sms me to get home early like you did previously?

When Mak called me at about 8+pm, she asked when I would be back because you were sick & I told her I wouldn't be back late because yes, of course, I do know you were sick. She didn't tell me that you seemed different and that she was worried that you might go anytime. And I didn't sense any difference in her voice & it didn't occur to me that you were more ill than usual.

Why didn't I get the instinct? Why did I decide to elude those feelings of uncertainty by distracting myself instead? How could I call myself your sister when I don't even know that you were at home, asking Mak for the time every now & then, counting down to your last minute?

Have I disappointed you, La, during your last hours?

No matter how much tears I cry, I can never get back those hours.

Even so, I am thankful to Allah that He led me home in time. I am relieved that I managed to be with you for that couple of hours. I am thankful that I did get to be by your side, to stroke your hands while you still had pulse, to see you with your eyes still opened, to watch you take your last breaths, to sweep those stray hair off of your forehead with my fingers, to touch and kiss your forehead before it turns cold, to hear you say the shahadah albeit faintly, to witness the last look you gave Abah, the last tear that you shed and the hint of a smile you gave seconds before you go.

Allah is The Most Merciful and Allah is The Most Loving. Alhamdulillah, He made sure you felt the least pain possible, for you passed on very peacefully, La. What more, all of our family members and most of our relatives from both sides of the family were by your side as you took your last breath. And you even left with a smile, masya'Allah.

Even though Abah & Mak, Adam & me, the kids and everyone else were so sad that we had to part with you, I am relieved that you would no longer have to endure all the worldly pain & sufferings. You are safely by His side, in His arms and under His protection now. No more evil people, body-destroying cancer and unbearably painful pressure wounds to deal with.

On Saturday, 25 August 2007, at 12.15am, you passed on to a better place. On Saturday, 12 Sha'aban 1428 Hijriah, you were freed from all the worries of this life.