Backlog

La, it's been slightly more than two weeks... It's still not easy for me. I pray to Allah may He gives me the strength to get through the days to come.

La, for several days, I have been typing out a few entries but I never posted them. I just kept them as drafts.

Sometimes it's because I cried too much as I was typing them out and then, at some point, I was lost for words, literally. So I stopped and saved them as drafts, intending to continue some other days.

Sometimes, I cried and typed too much and I ended up falling asleep without completing the entry, with one hand tucked under the pillow and the other still on the keyboard, face stricken with dried tears, eyelids swollen and heavy.

Do not think that I have forgotten you, La. How could I possibly forget you? Is that even possible? I don't wish to and I will never do.

Sometimes, it feels like you're somewhere near me but most of the time, I can feel the emptiness that was once filled by your presence.

La, sometimes I wonder what you're doing and how you're feeling. I wonder if you miss us as much as we miss you. I wonder if you can see us, hear us, feel us. I wonder if you'll appear whenever we mention your name or think of you. I wonder how our prayers reach you. I wonder if you can still feel our love for you.

I've so much work to do, so many things to think about and yet you still occupy most of my thoughts. No matter what and when, you're there, at the top of my mind.

I've got to do some work for my project now, La. I'll talk to you again very soon and I'll post the backlog of entries.

I'm still missing you...

I'll be missing you for the rest of my life...