One month

La, it has been 30 days since you passed on, La.

God has been kind and time has been filled with lots of school work to occupy me and keep my mind busy. Even so, my heart is still missing you.

La, I dreamt of you again yesterday.

It was your funeral.

You had been carried to the vehicle that was to bring you to the cemetery. In the dream, when I approached you after you were placed in the vehicle, you were not in a coffin and you were not covered in the white shroud. It didn't strike me as strange in the dream. It seemed normal.

I stood outside the vehicle, peering at you through the window and said my salaam to you. Upon hearing my salaam, you opened your eyes. It did not occur to me in the dream that you should not be able to open your eyes. In fact, you spoke to me. Following that, I went in and sat beside you.

We spoke. Once while we were talking, I held your head up so that I could adjust the pillow under your head so that you'd be more comfortable. You also asked me to paste medicated plasters on your back because you were having backache. It was just like those times when I would sit by your bedside and help you adjust your body position, help you with your medication or clean you up, feed you or to simply have our daily conversations. I placed those medicated plasters on your back and we continued talking.

In the dream, you were not as thin as you were before you passed on. You were just nice, not too thin, not too fleshy. Just like you were in my previous dreams of you.

I knew you were no longer alive because we spoke and discuss about death and what comes after it. You said: "Aku takut lah, Na." (In Eng: "I'm scared, Na.") And I told you I'm scared to. You said that was because I have yet to go through the test. I know you meant that I have not experienced death yet, and thus that explains why I was afraid. And I also know that you didn't mean that you are scared of death or what comes after it when you said were afraid, rather, you were worried for us, the living. The ones whom you have left behind. The ones who are vulnerable to the evildoings of those who are misled and those who forgot that they are not as powerful as they think they are and that they are afterall God's creation.

Dear Allah, we seek protection and help from You, for You are the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful and the Most Knowledgeable. No one is as powerful or is more powerful than You, Dear Almighty. For You are the One that created us and the whole universe.

Dear Allah, I pray may You place my sis in peace and in Your Heavens, along with the holy men and women. I pray may You forgive all her sins as well the sins of the people who have left before us. I pray may there be light that shines on her as she rests in Your soil. I pray may You bless her soul and ease her worries, if she is worried about us, for we place our lives in Your hands and our faith in You.